Judgment is a major stumbling block because it undermines our experience and clouds perception. When I become judgmental, it is an absolute red flag that I am off kilter. Often we return to themes of inadequacy which causes us distress. To counter the distress, we project dissatisfaction on to others. We need to embrace our own personal uniqueness, warts and all. Once we become gentler with ourselves, we will actually become gentler with others. When we accept ourselves, we begin to trust that others really are doing the best that they can do and we accept them as they choose to be. But sometimes when we are in a bad space, our human condition overrides compassion. When this happens, it is helpful to make “soft mental notes”.
Soft mental notes are labels that help suspend judgment and redirect you to the present moment. Thoughts, feelings and judgments are going to arise; they are part of human nature. But they could rob you of peace. Rather than give it lots of energy and intensity, simply observe it without judgment (“soft”) and then gently label it (“notes”) as a “thought”, “judgment” or “feeling” and watch them dissipate. Once I realized that I had become Judge Judy, I began to judge myself about my judgmental nature!!!! To counteract this dynamic and move back in to a place of peace, I would take a deep breath and simply name the thought as a “judgment” and the stress would release.
Acceptance helps us to give up the illusion of control that we have over a person or situation. When we attempt to control, we set unattainable goals as we grip tightly to what we think should occur or what is familiar. The iron clasp grip is frustrating for others as well as ourselves. Often we want to change, but we stall in old reflexes and habits. This is the moment that we need to pause, take a deep breath, and allow our spirit to relax and just let go. Dropping preconceived notions and accepting what is in the moment frees our energy and helps us to be calm and happy.
Attune to the Present Moment because it helps us to “Be” still and listen to inner wisdom. When we have a very active mind, we tend to always be doing, constantly judging and we miss the subtle murmur of inner wisdom and intuition. We become deaf and blind to the Spirit who wants to give knowledge about a situation and help us live a peaceful life. An antidote to this behavior is to take time to notice the beauty that is around you. All the wisdom we need is already within us. The key to accessing insight is to slow down, breathe and listen.
“When life gives you lemons make lemonade”. Challenges come into all of our lives. If we allow it, each obstacle can be an invitation to grow. While I would not wish to relive the past few months, I know that I have evolved because of it. I have gained self knowledge. I have become a more authentic person. I have developed more compassion for my clients who are stuck in unhealthy patterns. I have come to realize that sometimes change is easier said than done. Finally, I have discovered that the rocky path was worth the journey!
1. Name a situation, person or relationship that you find challenging.
2. Focus on that challenge that is currently in your life. As you inhale, allow yourself to focus on a positive aspect in your life and as you exhale, allow the challenge to become smaller.
“Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. Anonymous