Recently I gave the Journey Back to Self program to a group of men and discovered that the concept of “emotional energy” confused them. This made me wonder if some of you were also puzzled by the term. In an effort to correct this situation, I wish to further define emotional energy and elaborate on some of the ideas that are in the Journey Back to Self CD.  It is my hope that after reading this tip, you will understand the term and be able to assess your current level of emotional energy.

   Sociologist Randall Collins from the University of   Pennsylvania has stated that emotional energy is the “main motivating force in social life. It ranges from the highest heights of enthusiasm, to the deepest depths of apathy, depression and retreat. Emotional energy comes from various social encounters such as conversation, sexual flirtation, family dinners and office work”.

   Mira Kirshenbaum, author of The Emotional Energy Factor defines emotional energy as “…. how ready, willing, and able a person is to LIVE — to take on challenges, to fight for what’s important, to make dreams come true, to care for loved ones,  to enjoy life to the fullest in the present moment”. She believes that low emotional energy may make you feel listless and appear to be depression when it is really depletion of your spirit — and not your body.”

  In my CD, I define emotional energy as the emotions that you feel in your body as a result of your experience of another person’s emotions or a given situation. Research has concluded that 70% of total energy comes from emotional energy.  Positive energy is harnessed within you by compassion, courage, forgiveness and faith and gathered from your outer world by supportive friends, creative work, laughter, and movement.   Imagine yourself having an internal pitcher, when it is filled with emotional energy you feel energized about your life — hopeful, positive, charitable, caring, patient, focused and, loving. Negative energy depletes your pitcher and keeps you small and, unhealthy; it alienates you from your best self. Your emotional energy is depleted when there is continuous criticism, abuse, fear, self-loathing, rage, or shame. You will find yourself feeling inadequate, tired, critical, bitter, withholding and hopeless

  Depending on what is going on in your life, the amount of emotional energy you have in your “pitcher” will vary. Just as physical energy comes from physical self care such as, diet, exercise and rest; emotional energy comes from emotional self care, such as prayer, living a life that makes you feel inspired, hopeful, self-confident, playful, and passionate.  Emotional energy is drained when you are constantly giving to others, at the expense of yourself, when you are in an “abusive” relationship and when you disconnect from your authentic self.  When your emotional energy is low do you feel depressed? A question to ask yourself is if you are really in despair—or emotionally worn out? 

   When I discovered that I was burnt out and had “nothing left to give anyone”, I went on a retreat by Joyce Rupp. During the weekend, I discovered that the current level of emotional energy in my pitcher was at about 20%.  What I found was that after a few months of self care, my energy would creep up to 35%. As soon as it did, I would get involved with people and activities that drain me and give it away until my level returned to 20%. This was due to a psychological form of homeostasis, a type of internal regulation that keeps conditions constant. I had become so used to functioning on a low level that I would immediately return to it because it was familiar. As a result, I had to make a conscious effort to retain my energy once I had more of it. Do you to do the same thing?

   I learned how important it was to do a frequent internal check of the level of emotional energy in my pitcher.  I began to gauge it regularly by simply noticing “the level of emotional energy each day”.  By the time I finished my Sabbatical year, the energy in my pitcher began to hover at about 97% and it tends to remain at a high level. During a crisis or time of stress, the level dips but I assess it and try to eliminate anything nonessential or negative that I am able to discard. I also know what energizes me and I add more positive people and activities into my life as an antidote which replenishes my energy and refills my pitcher.

  If you would like suggestions on how to protect your emotional energy and ways to increase it, please listen to the CD or go to the tip archive, (Jan 09, April 08 & Sept 08).  If you need even further elaboration, let me know in the Blog comment and I will write more about this in future tips. 

Reflection Question or Blog Comment:

1.      Draw a pitcher. Draw a line to represents the level of emotional energy that is currently in your pitcher. What percentage do you currently have?

2.      Make two columns, with the headings: “life giving” and “life draining”.  As quickly   and honestly as you can, list all the people and activities under the appropriate column.

“I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it”.   Ernest Hemingway