In a few weeks it will be Valentines Day. This year why not fall in love with yourself? You might wonder if this isn’t egotistical and selfish. Not really. The way that you view yourself influences the way that you treat yourself and how you represent yourself to others. “Be grounded in love, be your authentic self and speak your truth” I once was told. Since that time it is a maxim that I have tried to live my life by. What if it became your maxim too?  What would it be like to truly love yourself, feel comfortable with your authentic self and speak your truth, as you know it?

As you become more comfortable with your authentic self, accepting your strengths and weaknesses, you begin to view yourself more lovingly and gain the courage to speak more honestly. Self love gives you a stronger immunity against the toxicity of others and enables you to set healthy boundaries as you become surer of your desires and needs and less vulnerable to the negative opinion of others. One question I ask myself when I am criticized is if this is an accurate assessment. Sometimes when I am uncertain, I will ask other people who know me well. Once I have a handle on what is true for me, it gives me the courage to stay grounded and gently but firmly speak my truth, even if it is unpopular.  I am able to live by Shakespeare’s quotation “To thine own self be true”.

Do you ever wonder where your self image came from? When you were growing up the opinion of your parents and teachers had a tremendous affect on you. Without being aware of it, their opinion entered into your core and affected your feelings about your self worth. When you were told a negative about your self, even if it was untrue, you began to believe it and often fulfill it. Can you recall this happening to you? Have words been used against you that have come to define your perception of yourself? My 4^th grade teacher told my mother that she thought I was “borderline retarded”.  Although I never had a grade lower than 86 my entire academic life, it was a label I believed until my mid twenties.  In spite of empirical evidence to the contrary, I always assumed that I was the “dumbest kid” in my class and as a result stayed deferential to others.  Have you accepted assessments of yourself that were not true? Could you give us some examples?

In preparation for Valentine’s Day, fall in love with your authentic self.  In the next few weeks become more conscious of the labels that you have bought. Pay attention to the way your words and judgments have become your reality. Begin to question if some of these negative descriptions may be false or outdated. List the characteristics that are equally true about you and notice that you will actually relax and feel more comfortable about yourself. I want to give you the same challenge I give my clients: for the next two weeks before you go to bed, record one positive aspect of yourself or one compliment that you have received. Then begin to repeat them and make them part of the thread of your authentic self. Mid month, I will address your comments and write about how self love impacts your relationship with others.

Blog questions/comments:

What were some of the messages about yourself that you were given? Are they true?

Share the positive attributes that you discovered these past few week

Your word … manifests your feelings of who you really are… Depending upon how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you. It is important be aware the words that you choose to use and the importance of the word. The Four Agreements. Don Miguel Ruiz